What do you get when Rainbow Rowell invents magic yellow telephones?

A:  a really bad book

If you were to ask me to make a list of my ten favorite authors, Rainbow Rowell would most assuredly fall somewhere within that list given her fabulous showings in both Eleanor & Park as well as my personal favorite, Fangirl. Rowell's first novel, Attachments, was a contemporary romantic novel released to moderately good reviews in 2011. But her career really took off in 2013 when she found her writing groove in the Young Adult genre and published the two phenomenal best-sellers, Eleanor & Park and Fangirl. Clearly, Rowell had found where her true talents lie. Her ability to capture the essence of burgeoning teenage emotions marked her as a Young Adult author with a very bright future indeed.

Following the publication of Fangirl in the fall of 2013, readers eagerly anticipated the next Rowell novel slated for release in early July 2014. Oddly, Rowell decided to abandon her wild success in the Young Adult genre and return to writing adult contemporary romance. In Landline, Rowell introduces us to Georgie and Neal, college sweethearts now married for over a decade with two lovely young daughters. Georgie is the breadwinner of the family, or she is trying to be, working as a television scriptwriter while Neal is a stellar stay-at-home dad. It sounds like the idyllic life. Unfortunately, Neal is unhappy. And when Neal is unhappy, everyone is unhappy. He doesn't like Georgie's job. And he especially doesn't like that she still writes her television comedy scripts with her best friend and writing partner from college, Seth.

To make matters worse, Georgie and Seth have finally gotten their big Hollywood break: a chance to write their own show. This means they'll have to rush to put together their big idea and sell it....by working over the Christmas holidays. As it turns out, this is unacceptable to Neal, who takes their daughters to his parent's home in Omaha for the holidays and decides this is a good time to teach Georgie a lesson by not taking her calls.

The remainder of the novel involves a magic yellow rotary telephone and a lot of flashbacks as Georgie has an emotional breakdown over the petulant behavior of her husband and attempts to find the man she once loved by dredging him up from the past so she can love him once again. End of contemporary romance story.

Two stars. Skip it.

SPOILER VERSION - RATED R - YOU'VE BEEN WARNED (No, really....I'm pissed off here)

And this is the part where I tell you how I really felt about this book and why. Our two main characters, Georgie and Neal, had their same problems - all of them - prior to ever getting married. Neal didn't care for Georgie's job, her working relationship and friendship with her best friend Seth, the kind of socializing she was required to do for her job, etc. He resented her doing these things because he wanted her to himself 100% of the time. And yet Georgie still marries him. She thinks the power of her love can change him. People, this is NOT HEALTHY. And I'm disturbed that Rowell presents this as "true love." What the fuck?

Furthermore, the fact that Georgie's husband would take her children and threaten divorce because he is upset over her having to work one fucking holiday is completely out of line. And Rowell is presenting this as if Neal is being completely rational. Georgie isn't working the holiday because she wants to....she is doing it for a chance at writing her own show and finally making enough money for them to live decently in Los Angeles. Georgie's idea that he take the kids and go on to Omaha without her was kind, generous, and thoughtful of her. That he would turn it into an opportunity to emotionally blackmail and torture her by not answering his phone and spending his time with his ex-girlfriend is disgusting ---- this is a marriage worth saving? Really? Rowell writes this entire story-line as if Neal's behavior is completely rational. Threatening divorce when your spouse (the breadwinner of the family, I might add) has to work a holiday is RATIONAL? Moreover, Rowell presents the entire marriage as if Georgie, being the female partner, is logically the spouse who must make the changes and sacrifices to keep the male partner happy. Did I just step into a time machine? I understand Rowell is from the Midwest and loves those good, old-fashioned Midwest values....but this is fucked up.

I would submit that even though Rowell is writing this book for adults, she has garnered a huge teen following and millions will be reading this book regardless of official genre. So way to go, Rowell. You've just told millions of teen girls that the right thing to do is to give up everything you worked so hard for, your education, your career, for a petulant, lazy-assed man who demands you stay at home. That's an awesome message. Maybe that's the kind of message that still prevails in Omaha but here in the rest of the country we are actually working hard to raise our girls smarter, more independent, and even educated (I know, shocker, right?). So.... your message SUCKS. And so did your stupid magic yellow telephone. 

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Title: Landline

Author: Rainbow Rowell

Publisher: St. Martin's Press

Date: July 8, 2014

Pages: 320

Source: Review copy courtesy of publisher