In Which A Reader's Respite Becomes Independently Wealthy...
Lately, A Reader's Respite has been bombarded with offers of money. Lots of money. More money than a book blogger would know what to do with.
Because you all are my close and personal friends, I feel comfortable sharing my financial windfall with you:
Thank goodness I occasionally check my e-mail spam folder or I might never have known how much money is there just for the taking.
Mr. AHAMED ADAH, from the BILL AND EXCHANGE MANAGEMENT
THE AFRICAN BANK (T A B)
OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO writes,
DEAR FRIEND, (see how everyone wants to be friends with you once you have money?)
I AM THE MANAGER OF BILL AND EXCHANGE AT THE FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT OF THE AFRICAN BANK. IN MY DEPARTMENT WE DISCOVERED AN ABANDONED SUM OF U.S$10.5 M DOLLARS (TEN.FIVE MILLION USD) IN AN ACCOUNT THAT BELONGS TO ONE OF OUR FOREIGN CUSTOMER WHO DIED ALONG WITH HIS ENTIRE FAMILY IN JULY 2003 IN A PLANE CRASH. (That's horrible. Condolences to the family. Oh wait, they all died, so there is no one to condole -- is condole a word?)
IT IS THEREFORE UPON THIS DISCOVERY, I NOW DECIDED TO MAKE THIS BUSINESS PROPOSAL TO YOU AND RELEASE THE MONEY TO YOU AS THE NEXT OF KIN OR RELATION TO THE DECEASED FOR SAFETY AND SUBSEQUENT SINCE NOBODY IS COMING FOR IT AND I DON'T WANT THIS MONEY TO GO INTO THE BANK TREASURY AS UNCLAIMED BILL THE BANKING LAW AND GUIDELINE HERE STIPULATES THAT IF SUCH MONEY REMAINED UNCLAIMED AFTER SEVEN YEARS, THE MONEY WILL BE TRANFERRED INTO THE BANK AS UNCLAIMED BILL . (We wouldn't want that to happen, would we?)
I THEREFORE AGREE THAT 40% OF THIS MONEY WILL BE FOR YOU AS FOREIGNER PARTNER, IN RESPECT TO THE PROVISION OF A FOREIGN ACCOUNT, 10% WILL BE SET ASIDE FOR EXPENSES INCURRED DURING THE BUSINESS AND 50% WOULD BE FOR ME. (Quick math...what's 40% of $10.5 million???)
THERE AFTER I WILL VISIT YOUR COUNTRY FOR DISBURSEMENT ACCORDING TO THE PERCENTAGES INDICATED. (Oh boy, houseguests!)
I WILL NOT FAIL TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS HITCH-FREE AND THAT YOU SHOULD NOT ENTERTAIN ANY ATOM OF FEAR AS ALL REQUIRED ARRANGEMENTS HAVE BEEN MADE FOR THE TRANSFER. (Hitch-free...did you hear that?)
YOU SHOULD CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THIS LETTER. TRUSTING TO HEAR FROM YOU IMMEDIATELY. (Oh, you'll be hearing from me, alright.)
MR AHAMED ADAH.
Just as soon as all that money is in my account, I promise to buy each and every one of you all of the books on your wishlist. How cool am I?