We Interrupt this Book Review (Rated R)

The following post is rated R for....well, for being me. 




That's right, folks. Today is National Zucchini Day. Or, as those of us who are actually dealing with the 4,283 zucchini that are currently ripe and ready for picking off of the mere three zucchini plants we stuffed into the ground just a few months back like to call it, National Fucking Zucchini Day. 

How is this related to books? Allow me to enlighten you....it really cuts into your reading time when you have 4,283 goddam zucchini stacked up and there is only a finite number of ways to cook the damned vegetable. Shredding, mixing, dipping in batter, breading, broiling, deep-frying, baking, sauteing, grilling --- all of this involves finding recipes and we all know where that leads.....


That's right. Searching for zucchini recipes. Which inevitably leads you to that special circle of Hell known as Pinterest. Once you enter that time-warp it's all over. Any plans you had to curl up with that special book are gone, dead, out the proverbial window. Because the space-time continuum veers off into a fifth dimension known as Pinterest-time and when you emerge with your 37 newly-pinned zucchini recipes (35 of which will FAIL), you will discover that darkness has descended, your family has gone to bed, your entire time zone - in fact - is asleep because 5 fucking HOURS have passed without you looking up from the screen (check your eyeballs because it's entirely possible you haven't actually blinked).

This is a dangerous, dangerous phenomenon for bibliophiles. Not only are we putting our ocular abilities at risk (translation: ruining your fucking eyesight), but we simply cannot afford to lose precious reading time like this.

I'm certain, therefore, you all will be appropriately grateful when I remind you that another notable, yet oft forgotten nationally designated day of import also falls on August 8 each year:



You are welcome. Now go read a damned book. And have a nice weekend.

11 comments:

  1. I laughed out loud! For me, my zucchini (or courgette as the Brits call them) hell will really start next week. This is one of our favorite recipes and it includes zukes! Zucchini Black Bean Olive Tacos http://crumbyvegan.com/?p=3008

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    1. I love you, really I do --- you *post* the actual link to the recipe here rather than make me go to pinterest hell to get them. I'd hug you for that if you were here. Or at the very least give you some zucchini bread. ;)

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  2. Yeah, yeah, zucchini schmuccini. YOU ARE READING TANA FRENCH!!!! OMG!!! See, that is what I notice when I wander in. I'm on the waiting list for the audio at the library. Because those audios, man. Those audios.

    Anyway yes, zucchini. I don't eat green vegetables, so I can't help you. But my mom is living in this fresh hell. At any given moment she is baking zucchini bread and woe to the poor soul that stops in to say hi. Those poor souls are gonna get em some zucchini bread, they are. When I was up there a few weeks ago, she had shredded and frozen a TON of that stuff.

    Please give me updates on the French book. Please.

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    1. Way to focus, Sandy. You pretty much just guaranteed yourself a loaf of zucchini bread via FedEx. Pfffft.

      Leave it to you to spot the book in the room....ha.....(good eye though...makes me want to take you with me when I go book shopping)

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  3. I can't argue with any of this. I'm in the same fucking (Tex Mex Zucchini) boat.

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    1. ohhhh, Tex Mex Zucchini, say you? Looks like I'll just have to go find that recipe....pretty sure it'll turn up on Pinterest. ahem.

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  4. The perils of planting zucchini when you're a reader...other writerly types have experienced this issue too... see exhibit A, Marge Piercy

    FYI, one of my fave and quick z. recipes that uses up a lot is this: thinly slice zucchini & onions, layer in a casserole -- z, onion, sprinkle in a good layer of mozza (real or fake vegan Daiya, they both work) and repeat til your dish is full. Microwave a few minutes until the cheese is melty and it is all bubbling.

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  5. I've already given up. I'm just shredding the hell out of it (thanks, 11-cup food processor) and throwing it in the freezer. I'll be thankful for this when Christmas Baking Season rolls round, right??? (And for real, why won't the damn bunnies eat THIS stuff???)

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  6. Oh, you know....shredding and freezing is actually a good way to deal. When you thaw, don't bother squeezing out the liquid. Just toss it in the mixer when you make the bread....sooooo moist and yummy. Okay, there's my freaking Suzie Homemaker tip for the day. That's all I've got. Bah.

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  7. It's so funny that you posted this on Friday. I was searching online Friday for some recipes as I was planning my grocery list (I've found that Fridays are a good evening to go because Kroger is not so crowded, which is a huge plus for me...I hate grocery shopping) and I came across this recipe for Slow Cooker Stuffed Zucchini...and I'm making it this week. Here's the link, in case you're interested: http://www.slowcookeradventures.com/2011/10/stuffed-zucchini.html

    On a side note, I HATE gardens and gardening so that zucchini situation would be a seventh circle of hell for me..definitely.

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Fire away!