The following post is rated R for....well, for being me.
That's right, folks. Today is National Zucchini Day. Or, as those of us who are actually dealing with the 4,283 zucchini that are currently ripe and ready for picking off of the mere three zucchini plants we stuffed into the ground just a few months back like to call it, National Fucking Zucchini Day.
How is this related to books? Allow me to enlighten you....it really cuts into your reading time when you have 4,283 goddam zucchini stacked up and there is only a finite number of ways to cook the damned vegetable. Shredding, mixing, dipping in batter, breading, broiling, deep-frying, baking, sauteing, grilling --- all of this involves finding recipes and we all know where that leads.....
That's right. Searching for zucchini recipes. Which inevitably leads you to that special circle of Hell known as Pinterest. Once you enter that time-warp it's all over. Any plans you had to curl up with that special book are gone, dead, out the proverbial window. Because the space-time continuum veers off into a fifth dimension known as Pinterest-time and when you emerge with your 37 newly-pinned zucchini recipes (35 of which will FAIL), you will discover that darkness has descended, your family has gone to bed, your entire time zone - in fact - is asleep because 5 fucking HOURS have passed without you looking up from the screen (check your eyeballs because it's entirely possible you haven't actually blinked).
This is a dangerous, dangerous phenomenon for bibliophiles. Not only are we putting our ocular abilities at risk (translation: ruining your fucking eyesight), but we simply cannot afford to lose precious reading time like this.
I'm certain, therefore, you all will be appropriately grateful when I remind you that another notable, yet oft forgotten nationally designated day of import also falls on August 8 each year:
You are welcome. Now go read a damned book. And have a nice weekend.