Too much time on his hands.....

Evidently our blog secretary has found himself with too much down-time on his hands. 

We caught him placing ads on Craigs List and are not amused....so.not.amused.....

Have you seen me?

It's finally happened.  Someone has kidnapped author Philippa Gregory's editor.  There really can be no other explanation for the content of her latest book, The Lady of the Rivers, the final installment (we hope) of her Cousin's War series of historical fiction about the influential women during England's Wars of the Roses.

Now we understand that the people who took part in the Wars of the Roses were numerous and convoluted.  Really convoluted.  And everyone had the same damned name.  So admittedly, it's hard to keep track of who is who.  Gregory chose to solve this problem by inserting everyone's full legal name and title every time she mentioned them.

Every. Single. Time.

So you can imagine the dialog that resulted.  For example, here is Jacquetta speaking to her oldest and dearest friend, Margaret of Anjou - a woman who has known Jacquetta for years....

"I think that Richard, Duke of York, is the only man to successfully hold French lands since my first husband, the Duke of Bedford."

Well of course Margaret would know that Richard was the Duke of York.  He is Margaret's greatest enemy at court and they've hated each other for years, for the love of Pete.  And of course Margaret would know Jacquetta's first husband was the Duke of Bedford.  Jeez Louise.  

In a similar vein, one doesn't need to reference your brother-in-law's title when speaking to one's husband....trust us, he KNOWS his brother is the Duke of whatever.

And this kind of redundant, see-Jane-run dialog persists through out the entire novel.  It's enough to drive a reader mad.

Truthfully, we can't blame Gregory too much for this nonsense.  It is, after all, an editor's job is to fix things like this.  So ultimately, we can only reach one conclusion:

SOMEONE KIDNAPPED THE EDITOR!

Any information leading to the safe recovery of said editor will, we are certain, result in a huge reward.

We were supposed to be writing about Philippa Gregory.......

....but we lost the mood required for that level of snarkiness.  You'll just have to wait.

In the meantime, nothing says "You're Getting Old" like your teen idol signing a book deal reminiscing about the good ol' days of hard drugs and horny teenaged fans.  The biography market is always loaded down with these really-kinda-sad books.  How pathetic when you have to earn a few extra dollars by revealing what an absolute shit you were in your glory days.

 this was hot

Rolling Stone recently revealed that John Taylor, former bassist for the 80's hit band Duran Duran, has sold his memoirs to Dutton for somewhere in the $500K range.  Holy crap, people.  As a former card-carrying member of the John Taylor Fan Club (okay, not really, but we could've been) we took notice.  In the book, we'll get to read all about his drug addiction (gasp!), depression (surely you jest!), and presumably, all the female fans he bedded in a drug and alcohol-frenzy (the hell you say!).

 this is not

The saddest part?  We'll probably buy the damned book.